I died a month or so before he did. Pushed him out of the way so he wouldn't go down with me.
[ which he knows was traumatic for him; fidelio's sure that same image replays in basilio's head every time he does something reckless here. ]
His reaction seein' me here was a lot like yours, it sounds like. Me, I was just horrified he'd ended up here so soon after.
...But it was nice, gettin' more time we hadn't had. That first week whenever anybody asked me if it was good or bad bein' here together, I couldn't say one way or the other, 'cause it was both.
yves pauses for a moment, and then he closes his eyes against a sting. to have a feeling so clearly said by someone else... ]
... Adolphe and I remember different things. But from what he said... he died so that he could give me a chance.
[ and even if that's not how yves remembers things, it still aches. to know that there is someone who would give everything for him. for that someone to be gone yet again. ]
... I really want you two to be happy. [ softly, sincerely ] I'd give anything for that.
[ ...there really are a lot of similarities, huh. he's sort of regretting now that he never got to know adolphe much himself. might have had a lot in common.
he gives yves a little smile. ]
Thanks. I'd like that too. [ ... ] Seemin' less and less likely to work out that way, though, isn't it?
[ he's still grateful for the extra time, sure... but he's also sick with anxiety every day now, worrying about things completely out of their control. worrying about something happening to basilio, or about hurting him himself. ]
If it happens that only one of us can go back, it's gotta be him. Not even just speakin' as his brother. [ though that is, admittedly, most of it. ] He's got an important mission to get back to, and he already proved he can do all right without me there pushin' him around. The world don't need me the same way it needs him.
[ he'd deeply understood anders's feelings in that regard. ]
...Sort of worry that us bein' here together might've set him back, got his hopes back up after he'd already accepted it and started moving forward once before.
[ ah... yves listens thoughtfully, even though his heart continues to form these little cracks the more fidelio speaks. he gets it. he does. he's sure again that this is something adolphe would tell him—to be someone who insists that another's life is worth living more. ]
... even now, I don't think there's anything wrong with hope. I think it'll motivate him all the more—to know that your soul is out there somewhere, and maybe one day you can be together again. At least... that's how I feel right now, in this moment.
[ that even if it hurts, he will see adolphe again. he's clinging onto it. ]
But I hope you know... I don't think it matters whether or not the world needs you. Your life is precious, without needing to be tied to some greater cause. Even if I understand the sentiment behind it...
I hope you don't lose sight of your own worth, and how much you mean to Bas. To the people who care about you.
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You mean he died four years before you, or you just lost touch with him, like?
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He died four years ago. He was the first of my friends to die, and at this point I've lost almost all of them.
[ to give some context for other things he said—he has less to get home to than other people ]
The hurt never went away. I was so happy to see him here again. [ a little laugh ] I think I cried on him like a giant baby.
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[ he goes quiet for a moment, sipping his drink and then looking down into the mug after he sets it down. ]
Has Bas told you how it is for us?
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even if yves can guess, and his heart already aches a bit ]
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[ which he knows was traumatic for him; fidelio's sure that same image replays in basilio's head every time he does something reckless here. ]
His reaction seein' me here was a lot like yours, it sounds like. Me, I was just horrified he'd ended up here so soon after.
...But it was nice, gettin' more time we hadn't had. That first week whenever anybody asked me if it was good or bad bein' here together, I couldn't say one way or the other, 'cause it was both.
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yves pauses for a moment, and then he closes his eyes against a sting. to have a feeling so clearly said by someone else... ]
... Adolphe and I remember different things. But from what he said... he died so that he could give me a chance.
[ and even if that's not how yves remembers things, it still aches. to know that there is someone who would give everything for him. for that someone to be gone yet again. ]
... I really want you two to be happy. [ softly, sincerely ] I'd give anything for that.
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he gives yves a little smile. ]
Thanks. I'd like that too. [ ... ] Seemin' less and less likely to work out that way, though, isn't it?
[ he's still grateful for the extra time, sure... but he's also sick with anxiety every day now, worrying about things completely out of their control. worrying about something happening to basilio, or about hurting him himself. ]
If it happens that only one of us can go back, it's gotta be him. Not even just speakin' as his brother. [ though that is, admittedly, most of it. ] He's got an important mission to get back to, and he already proved he can do all right without me there pushin' him around. The world don't need me the same way it needs him.
[ he'd deeply understood anders's feelings in that regard. ]
...Sort of worry that us bein' here together might've set him back, got his hopes back up after he'd already accepted it and started moving forward once before.
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... even now, I don't think there's anything wrong with hope. I think it'll motivate him all the more—to know that your soul is out there somewhere, and maybe one day you can be together again. At least... that's how I feel right now, in this moment.
[ that even if it hurts, he will see adolphe again. he's clinging onto it. ]
But I hope you know... I don't think it matters whether or not the world needs you. Your life is precious, without needing to be tied to some greater cause. Even if I understand the sentiment behind it...
I hope you don't lose sight of your own worth, and how much you mean to Bas. To the people who care about you.